


Contrary to Popular Belief

by PokeChan



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Crack, Dick Jokes, M/M, Male Solo, NSFW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1745540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/pseuds/PokeChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hater aims for some "alone time" only to be rudely interrupted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contrary to Popular Belief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stellana](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Stellana).



> I have no idea what just happened. I'm sorry. I was talking to Mage and things just spiraled out of hand. Why have I done this? Who allowed this? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE STOP ME?

Contrary to popular belief, being an evil, supreme overlord was not at all very easy. It was stressful, harrowing, and annoying. There was also an amazing amount of paperwork (that Peepers took care of, obviously, but he still needed to sign off on).Hater also had to worry about those who opposed him, namely Wander and Sylvia, the greatest and most evil of adversaries. In short, ruling the universe was _hard_!

And sometimes Hater, yes even the amazingly awesome Lord Hater, needed to unwind and have a little one-on-one relaxation time. However, as he’d yet to name a Mrs. Lord Hater, he’d have to settle for a little solo relaxation. 

He gave Peepers specific instructions, complete with threats of extreme bodily harm, to not disturb Hater for the rest of the night for anything short of having captured and contained Wander and Sylvia. Having been understood, Hater retired to his room and turned up his tunes. He didn’t need anyone hearing what he was up to and what fun was it to keep quiet?

Hater flopped on to his bed and pulled up a viewing screen. He was too beat to imagine his own fantasies, so the computer would just have to provide. He plugged in his favorite address and was almost instantly greeted with a multitude of cropped pictures and thumbnails for videos. Hater skimmed through the short list of new videos before deciding to pull up an old favorite. A few more clicks and “Boney Babes Blowout!!” was full screen and loading. 

“Aww yeah,” Hater chuckled to himself, already discarding his pants and rooting around in a drawer for his lotion as the intro played (it might have been one of his favorite pornos but the music was awful). 

To the video’s credit, it didn’t take long to get going. He was hardly three minutes in and already a pair of scantily-clad skelo-women were giggling together as they hosed each other down, beginning to ignore the lineup of ships they were supposed to be washing. Before too long they’d move on from being coy and playful to being naughty. Hater lazily stroked his dick, working himself up to proper hardness as he watched the familiar event play out on his screen.

Once the girls on the screen started kissing Hater started working himself in earnest. Not enough to have him blowing just yet, but plenty to have him moaning and shifting, using different angles to get multiple sensations. Between the video, his still playing music, and his own noises, Hater didn’t hear the rattling of his air vent coming loose or the almost joyful “ _oof_ ” of someone small and furry landing on the other side of the room.

He did, however, hear the very loud “Hey whatcha doin’ Hater?”

“Argh!!” Hater jumped up, tangling himself in his bedsheets, and fell to the floor. “What!?”

This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. 

Wander practically pranced over to Hater and gave him a quick once over. “You look a bit tense, are you giving yourself a massage?” he asked gleefully.

This _was_ happening.

“What are you doing here!?” Hater screamed. How had this little maniac gotten onto his ship, let alone into his room? 

Smiling up at Hater like he wasn’t in the bedroom of his most fearsome enemy while said enemy was pantsless Wander shrugged. “Sylvia and I got a bit turned around and I decided to stop for directions!” Then he leaned in close to Hater, as if sharing a secret. “Tell you what, Sylvia just hates asking directions, but I convinced her.”

“I DON’T CARE!” Hater roared. “GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!” 

Wander flailed, falling backwards and landing on his rear end. As he looked up at Hater, who had stood and was covering his junk with the sheet he’d tangled himself up in earlier, he looked absolutely crestfallen. Hater, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out why. He decided to glare at the little orange pain in the ass until Wander got the picture and left. He was sure one of the Watchdogs would be able to snag him, or at least slow him down until Hater could get pants on under his robe. 

When Wander didn’t make any move to leave Hater growled and stalked over to him, bending over to get face-to-face. “What do you want!?” he shouted in Wander’s face.

The little monster, rather than be scared like he should have been, reached up and patted the side of Hater’s face. “Poor Hater!” he cried. “You’re so stressed and I interrupted your massage!”

Hater blinked stupidly. Was he serious? 

Suddenly, the little guy perked up and clambered to his feet. “I know! I’ll make it up to you!” 

Hater didn’t like where this was going.

“I’ll finish your massage up for you!” he exclaimed in delight. “Massages always feel better when someone else does them and Sylvia tells me I give the _best_ massages in the galaxy and-”

“NO!!” Hater screamed, swatting at (and missing) Wander. “GET AWAY FROM ME!!”

Pouting Wander continued his advance. “I’m just tryin’a help, Hater. Just relaaax,” he cooed, trying to approach Hater like he was an easily startled animal. 

“I don’t want your help! Get lost!”

Despite Hater’s protests Wander inched ever closer until he was close enough to pounce on Hater. 

Wander clung to one of Hater’s arms as the ruler of the universe flailed wildly, attempting to shake the damn demon off. Things were knocked over and broken in the process, his sheets were crumbled and possibly ripped, and Hater was now out of breath. All the while the cheesy porno music played in the background behind the louder rock music still pumping out of Hater’s speakers. 

Hater was just about to start slamming them both into the wall when he door was knocked off its hinges and in strode Sylvia. Both Hater and Wander froze as she looked them up and down. Sighing she strode over to the still-frozen pair and plucked Wander easily from Hater’s arm.

“What are you doing, Wander?” Sylvia asked, torn between anger and exasperation. 

“Well,” Wander stretched out the word. “I was looking for someone to give us directions but then I started getting chased so I hid in the air vents and then I heard music so I came to check it out and then I found Hater but I had _interrupted his massage_ , Sylvia!”

Sylvia took one, long look at Hater, eyebrow raised, before turning back to Wander. “He doesn’t want your help. We’re leaving.”

Hater didn’t even care. If the Watchdogs didn’t capture them he’d get them another day. He just wanted some peace and quiet after all of this, now more than ever.

“But Sylvia!” Wander started to protest as she walked them back towards Hater’s door.

“No buts,” she said firmly. “We’re out of here before you sexually harass Lord Hater any more than you already have.”

Hater could hear them talking all the way down the hall. He stood there, staring at his broken doorway long after the voices of his most hated enemies faded into nothing. He decided that he needed a vacation. Somewhere far away, a nice corner of the universe where he’d be left alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me father, for I have sinned.


End file.
